Jokes.

[Wiggo]

Maybe I'll just make that suggestion now to our little unloved Johnny Howard then. :thumb:

I hope that it can be done before I move :?:
<center>:cheers:</center>

[Wiggo's-sister]

An older lady is driving her car above the speed limit
when she is stopped by an officer. He approaches
her car and asks for her drivers license. The lady
explains that she does not have a license that it was
taken from her after the last time she was stopped
for drunk driving.

The officer asks to see her registration. The lady
says that she does not have a registration since she
stole the car and that she killed the owner, cut up his
body and stuffed it in the trunk.

By now the officer is getting very fidgety and calls for
backup. Very soon the area is flooded with police
vehicles and a detective approaches the car. He tells
that lady that she needs to get out of the car. The
lady asks what is the problem. The detective tells
the lady that the officer said she did not have a license.

The lady says, 'of course I have a license,' opens up her
purse and shows it to the detective. The detective says
the officer said that you did not have a registration, and
that you killed the owner and stuffed him in the trunk.

The lady says, 'well he is just a liar, of course I have a
registration,' and she opens the glove box and shows it
to the detective, 'and you can also look in the trunk and
see that there is no dead body there.' The lady then
turns to the detective and says, ' I guess that liar also
told you that I was speeding!'

[Wiggo's-sister]

I can relate to this with a telephone bill I'm getting. They're! :scream:

A guy got a credit card bill stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored
it and threw it away.

Next month he got another, did the same thing. The next month they
sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his
credit card if he didn't send them $0.00.

He called them, talked to them, they said it was "a glitch" and told
him they'd take care of it.

The following month he tried to charge something and couldn't. He
called the credit card company who again said they'd take care of
it. The next day he got his bill for $0.00 stating that he was very
delinquent.

The man figured the credit card company would take care of it, so
he didn't worry. The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that
he had 10 day to pay or his account was going to collection.

He mailed the credit card company a check for $0.00, and the credit
card company's computer processed it, noting that his account was now
paid in full.

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing
writing a check for $0.00. He explained and they said, "Well, your
$0.00 check has caused our check processing software to fail. We now
can't process ANY of our checks from that day electronically because
that $0.00 check is causing the program to abort."

The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for
Christmas, bought her a typewriter instead.

[TwizlZone]

This little flee died and went to heaven.
Three days later there was this little voice that said
" God God help help me please?"
Then God says "Yes little flee what can I do for you?"
The little flee says " God I was such a good little flee, can I go back to earth?"
God replies " sure little flee " Little flee is back on earth.
Three days later the little flee asks " God God help me help me please?
God" Whatcha need little flee?"
little flee "well God, I'm cold, I wanna get warm"
God "ok little flee, where would you like to go?"
Little flee asks " I'd like to go in (lets say Wiggo's) beard"
God "ok little flee"
Three days later little flee says " God God Help me Help me please?"
God " what now little flee?"
Little flee whines " well every time this Wiggo eats soup he drips it in his beard, every time he blows his nose he drips it in his beard, God I just can't stand it any more!" " God I've been a good little flee, can I go somewhere else?"
God says " where would you like to go now little flee?"
little flee says " In some nice looking girls snatch!" God puts him in one.
Three days later little flee's voice says " God God Help me Help me please?"
God says " what Now Little Flee!?"
Little flee crys " I'm back in Wiggo's BEARD

[ReSpAwN DeMoN]

An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter what he does sexually, the wife never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and made the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay," he says to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, earsplitting screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel.

[dryadsoul]

After bringin' the likes of no less than 25 new Bairns into

this miserable life, as it were, Mary Margaret Fitzpatrick,

passed on after a misshandeled Hystorrectomy.

Gawd bless & rest her sweet ancient soul, as he be

cursing the drunken sot o' a doctor to a life of sobriety

as well; but, then it was, that she found herself in

a most peculiar of positions.....facing St. Peter himself,

at no less a place then the Pearly fuc*in' Gates o'

the Lord's domain................. well, i can tell ya, she

let out a wail o' relief that would o' raised the Titanic

itself as she broke for the stairs........only to be greeted

by a screechin' beyond that of the Banshe in famine....

turnin' to the light she was was informed by himself that

it was not but a wee cry o' delight by the one having

thier shoulders drilled for the fitting of the Wings.....

Jesus,Fochin' Joseph, and Mary..........I'm off to the likes Hell

after that bit o' welcome........as Peter was assuring Mary

Margaret all was aright..........the rucous of Armaghedan

seemed to suredly be at hand.......with a mere chuckle

of glee, himself said, in his most comforting tone.......

nought but the likes a custom fit Hallo, don't ya know....

and with that bit o' knowledge, she broke into a run

while shouting out backwards ..........it's off to Hell

for some true comfort & Whiskey i am........NO,NO, Not

that,if ya please, for it's only Rape & Sodomy you'll

be gettin' there.....................Just ****in' fine by me,

say's she, fore thats two holes i'll already be having

and the Virgin Mary they're nought!!!!!!!!!!!


And than there were nun........:eek: .....:confused:

[Wiggo]

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan. One afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well Cinderella, since you have lived good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was overjoyed. "I wish I was extremely wealthy", she said. Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Alan, her cat, jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering with fear.

"Oh thank you Fairy Godmother," said Cinderella. "Is there anything else you might wish for?" asked the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I was young and full of the beauty I once had." At once, her wish was granted.

Cinderella felt feeling inside her that she had not felt for years.

The Fairy Godmother said, "you have one wish remaining, what shall you have?"

Cinderella looked at her frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you to turn Alan, my old cat, into a handsome young man."

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a change and then before them stood young man with the looks and body that no other man could match.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke "Congratulations Cinderella. Enjoy your new life," and with that she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Alan looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most stunning, perfect man she had ever seen.

Alan walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms. He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath,

"Bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?"
<center>:cheers:</center>

[The__tweaker]

"Little flee"

lmao!

freakin' hilirious...!

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[E^vol]

The Oldest Remote...

[dryadsoul]

WHAT DO THE HOLY BIBLE AND A BLACK WOMEN'S

VAGINA HAVE COMMON??????





THEY BOTH HAVE TO OPEN TO BE READ/RED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The__tweaker]

Amen!

[The__tweaker]

Make fun of gay clubs, men who wear make-up
Get aware, wake up, get a sense of humor...

http://www.pals.ch/quoctri/flash_bsb.htm

No ****...



:cheers:

[Wiggo's-sister]

A man is out at the golf course, waiting to tee off and
there is a woman ahead of him.
She loses the grip on her club as she swings it, and it
hits the man.

He doubles over in pain, clasping his hands in his crotch.
The woman quickly runs over and says, "Oh, I'm so sorry.
Here's let me help you."

The woman opens the man's pants and begins to adjust his
parts, fondling his nuts and stroking his rod.

A few minutes later, the woman asks, "Is that any better?"
The man says, "Oh yeah, that's great, but my thumb still
hurts like hell!"

[Wiggo's-sister]

11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope
suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.

10 were blondes, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one
of the party must let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break
and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would
sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

The blondes applauded.

[dryadsoul]

A redhead is hoppin' from one railroad track to the other
and than back, all the time singing

"Tewnty One, Twenty One"
(visualize girl dancing&singing form side to side)

When along comes a peroxide blonde, and say's

"Wow,that looks like fun;can i join ya???"

So,Red say's "Long as ya can keep up and follow my lead."

"Think i can manage that okay." and she hopes on a rail.

And so, their justa hoppin' & boppin' along "Tweny One....etc."

Then comes the 5:05 Express from NY 2 LA screamin' into view.
As Red hopes off and outa the way, but, not the blonde.

As the 5:05 shoots past takin what's now left of the blonde with it;
Red smiles brightly while hoppin' back on the tracks................

Singin' ever so loudly "Twenty Two, Twenty Two".................