Jokes.

[Wiggo's-sister]

A farmer in a beat up old truck was driving to
town when he spotted a hiker carrying a heavy
backpack and a big suitcase. Being a caring
man, the farmer pulled over and asked the
young man if he wanted a ride.

Even though the truck looked like it was about
to fall apart, the young man put his suitcase in
the back and climbed aboard. But the farmer
was confused when he noticed the man still
wearing the backpack.

"Why don't you take a load off, and put that pack
in the back with your suitcase?" asked the farmer.

The hiker responded, "That's very kind of you
sir, but I wasn't sure if the truck could carry the
extra weight. So I thought I'd carry it myself."

[Wiggo's-sister]

Rose and Tom were having dinner with a couple they'd not
seen for several years. Each couple tried to recapture
knowledge of the other by reviewing their histories.
"And soon after we were married," Rose began, "we were
blessed with a marvellous, chubby creature with cute bow
legs and no teeth."

"You had a baby, I guess," said the other husband.

"Nope," Tom broke in, "Rose's mother came to live with us

[Wiggo's-sister]

A young man was driving along a country road on the way to see his
girl. As he passed a field the idea struck him to stop and pick a
bouquet of flowers. He had barely begun romping through the field
when he became aware or a rather mean looking bull not far away,
with head lowered and an evil look in his eye. Far away, leaning
comfortably on the prudent side of the fence, stood a farmer
taking in the situation. The young man called out to him, "Hey,
mister! Is that bull safe?!" To which the farmer shouted back,

"Safe as anything! Can't say the same about you, though!"

[Wiggo's-sister]

The boss called one of his employees into the office.
"Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a
year. You started off in the post room, one week later
you were promoted to a sales position, and one month
after that you were promoted to district manager of
the sales department. Just four short months later,
you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for
me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.
What do you say to that?"

"Thanks," said the employee.

"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"

"Ok, ok," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."

[Wiggo's-sister]

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their
fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem and they give him
$50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song and they give
him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles
a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And,
it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

[Wiggo]

<center>10 Rules Of Housecleaning</center>

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. If disturbed, dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands," and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5, and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain away the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident. I haven't had the heart to clean it."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean, and I still don't get anywhere."
<center>:cheers:</center>

[Wiggo]

<center>Technical Questions</center>

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"Alright", the clerk said, How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, "For a long time. ...We're gonna build a house."
<center>:cheers:</center>

[Wiggo]

<center>Dead Donkey</center>

A city boy moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well,then,just give me my money back."

"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey."

"What ya gonna do with him?"

"I'm going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked, "Whatever happened with that dead donkey ?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 hundred tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998. "

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
<center>:cheers:</center>

[Wiggo's-sister]

[Mr.Tweak]

I'm no good with making my own jokes, but I was thinking when watching channel 9 before... Eddie McGuire and Pat Rafter appear on TV way too much, they are taking over!

[Kay]

Who makes up their own jokes Mr T :?: We just stea.........um borrow other ones :D

[Beefy]

I'm no good with making my own jokes, but I was thinking when watching channel 9 before... Eddie McGuire and Pat Rafter appear on TV way too much, they are taking over!

I saw two commercials in a row yesterday, different products.. both had pat in them. it's a joke alright.. :)

[dirtydog]

;) :p:D

[dirtydog]

:eek:

[dirtydog]

:laugh: