Jokes.

[drpeterbright]

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted in hassling him to no end until finally he gave in.
"OK!" he said with exasperation, "follow me," and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep forest.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"

[drpeterbright]

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"

[drpeterbright]

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

[drpeterbright]

How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for cars.

[drpeterbright]

Why is it when a man talks nasty to a women it's sexual harassment...
But when a women talks nasty to a man it's $3.99 a minute.

[drpeterbright]

Yo' mama so poor, I saw her shopping and told her to get the hell out of my trash can!

[drpeterbright]

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Madame.

Madame who?

Madame foot will be up your ass, if you don't open this door!

[drpeterbright]

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

[drpeterbright]

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef!

[drpeterbright]

Yo Mama is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.

[drpeterbright]

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

[drpeterbright]

You might be a blonde if you think a thesaurus is a dinosaur.

[drpeterbright]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One stops and says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

[drpeterbright]

Q. What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?
A. Drool.

[drpeterbright]

An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."