Jokes.

[Wiggo's-sister]

Haahaahaaaa
Get that up ya Texan

[Wiggo]

<center>Dogs at the Vet.</center>

The Doberman turns to the Boxer and says, "So why are you here?"

The Boxer replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything,the sofa, the cat,the kid. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The Doberman says, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Lethal injection" came the reply from the sad Boxer.

The Doberman then turns to the Labrador and asks, "Why are you here?"

The Lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's new couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the Doberman inquired.

"Lethal injection," the dejected Labrador said.

The Labrador then turns to the Doberman and asks what he's at the vet's office for.

"I'm a humper," the Doberman says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."

The Boxer and Labrador exchange a sad glance and say, "So, lethal injection for you too, huh?"

"No, no," the Doberman says, "I'm here to get my nails clipped."

<center>:cheers:</center>

[Wiggo's-sister]

Bumper Stickers for Women
=========================

SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST
BETTER RICH.

DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE
QUEEN.

I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN.

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE
FIRST TIME.

DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO
BAD PEOPLE.

HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE
THE BODIES.

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

[Wiggo's-sister]

Pills
=====
An old man strode in to his doctors office and said,
"Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my
prescription and to check the prescription you've
been giving to Mrs. Smith."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And
since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's
orders?"

The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on
birth control pills since December."

[Wiggo]

<center>AT LEAST ONE OF THESE SHOULD OFFEND ALMOST EVERYONE</center>

What do you call a smart blonde?
-- A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
-- Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
-- 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
-- 45 minutes.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
-- None, they just sit there in the dark and *****.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
-- Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
-- They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
-- Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
-- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
-- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why does the bride always wear white?
-- Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
-- The blonde, because she's 18.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
-- Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
-- A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
-- "Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
-- Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
-- Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
-- Everyone has the same DNA.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
-- A speech impediment.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
-- Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
-- He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
-- Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
-- A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?
-- Row row row your boat.

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
-- A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t."
<center>:cheers:</center>

[Wiggo's-sister]

Our first Blonde GUY joke ...
=========================

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing
construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of
a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman
said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef
and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump
off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,
"Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm
going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again.
If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping
too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw
corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The
Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped
too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the
bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She
said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned
beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him
again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could
have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize
he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and
stared at the blonde's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his
own lunch."

[Wiggo's-sister]

Foot Fetish
===========

The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end
of the evening as they were beginning to undress each
other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go
any further, Charmaine, tell me - do you have any special
fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"

"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to
have a foot fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe
seven or eight inches."

[Wiggo's-sister]

Three convicts
==============

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to
take one item with them to help them occupy their time while
incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what
did you bring?"

The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he
intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma
Moses of Jail". Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I
brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of
games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The
other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you
bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought
these."

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the
box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."

[Raven]

Haahaahaaaa
Get that up ya Texan

:p

[Wiggo]

<center>Subject: ***** work</center>

I, the *****, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour

I work at great depths

I plunge head first into everything I do

I do not get weekends or public holidays off

I work in a damp environment

I don't get paid overtime

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

I work in high temperatures

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


Dear *****,


After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight

You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods

You do not always follow the orders of the management team

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

You do not take initiative

You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing

You'll retire well before reaching 65

You're unable to work double shifts

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carry 2 suspicious looking bags.


Sincerely ....The Management

<center>:cheers:</center>

[Wiggo's-sister]

:p

:D Sorry Raven, but it sounded good at the time

I liked that one wiggo

[Mr. C]

"THE SIXTEEN MOST COMMON ****S"

1. GHOST POO: You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but not in the toilet. Where is it ?
2. TEFLON POO: So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.
3. GOO POO: This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the toilet.
4. SECOND THOUGHTS POO: You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realize...there's more to come.
5. POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO: This is the poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
6. WEIGHT WATCHERS POO: You poo so much you lose several pounds.
7. RIGHT NOW POO: You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting there, and it usually gets its head out before you can get your pants down.
8. KING KONG POO: This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you break it down into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well. This kind of a poo usually happens at someone else's house.
9. CORK POO: Also known as a "floater." Even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?
10. WET CHEEKS POO: This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the Space Shuttle, soaking your starfish.
11. WISH POO: You sit there all cramped up, and fart a few times, but no poo.
12. CEMENT BLOCK POO: So large and solid you feel like it is taking your spine with it.
13. SNAKE POO: This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 feet long.
14. MORNING AFTER POO: Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS one! ...Usually you're at someone else's house (the girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside to use the bathroom.
15. MEXICAN FOOD POO: Also called screamers - you know it's safe to eat again when you bum stops burning.
16. BOO HOO POO: The one that makes you cry with pain and wonder whether you should risk the stitches or go for the fuller figure.

AND DON'T FORGET TO WIPE YOUR ASS FOLKS!

[Wiggo]

CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel ****y all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

<center>:cheers:</center>

[Wiggo]

Do you know what happens


at


night


on


your


desk


after


having


shut down


the


computer


?


?


?


?


?


?


?

[Wiggo]

<center>Sheep Shaggin'</center>

A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits an English farmer.

"So,English farmer,how do you shag your sheep?"

"Well,I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."

"That's very interesting,"replies the researcher and he leaves the English farmer.Then he meets an Australian farmer.

"So,Australian farmer,how do you shag your sheep?"

"Well,I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."

"That's very interesting,"replies the researcher,"That's how they do it in England too."And he leaves the Australian farmer.

Then he meets a farmer from New Zealand.

"So,kiwi farmer,how do you shag your sheep?"

"Well,I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and I take the front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders."

"Over your shoulders?"replies the researcher,"Don't you put them over a wall like everyone else?"

"What?"says the farmer,"and miss out on all the kissing?"
<center>:cheers:</center>