Answering Machine Messages
==========================
1. "Hi! Now you say something."
2. "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets."
3. "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, a hot tub, or any subscriptions and
their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office. If you are
still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
4. "This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought
recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for
calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I will think about
returning your call."
5. "Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know
who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."
6. "Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me
a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
7. "Hi. This is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave
a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."
8. "Hi. If you are a burgler, then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't
home and it's safe to leave us a message."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Check The Engine
================
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:
"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you
show on page 438, and, if it's any good, I'll send you a check."
In a short time he received the following reply:
"Please send check; if it's any good, we'll send the engine!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Nice Car
==========
A guy driving a Mini Cooper pulls up at a stoplight
next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Mini rolls
down his window and shouts to the driver of the
Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a
phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Mini!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes,
I have a phone."
The driver of the Mini says, "Cool! Hey, you got a
fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back
seat of my Mini!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes,
I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Mini says, "That's great, man! Hey,
you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in
the back seat of my Mini!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by
now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-
Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Mini says, "Very cool car! Hey, you
got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of
my Mini!"
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the
Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer,
where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in
the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of
the Rolls picked up the car. The bed looked superb,
complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was
clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the
Mini, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night,
he finds the Mini parked, with all the windows
fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls
got out and knocked on the Mini. When there wasn't
any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually
the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,"
the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Mini looked at him and said, "You
got me out of the shower for THAT?!"
==========================
1. "Hi! Now you say something."
2. "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets."
3. "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, a hot tub, or any subscriptions and
their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office. If you are
still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
4. "This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought
recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for
calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I will think about
returning your call."
5. "Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know
who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."
6. "Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me
a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
7. "Hi. This is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave
a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."
8. "Hi. If you are a burgler, then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't
home and it's safe to leave us a message."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Check The Engine
================
An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:
"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you
show on page 438, and, if it's any good, I'll send you a check."
In a short time he received the following reply:
"Please send check; if it's any good, we'll send the engine!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Nice Car
==========
A guy driving a Mini Cooper pulls up at a stoplight
next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Mini rolls
down his window and shouts to the driver of the
Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a
phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Mini!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes,
I have a phone."
The driver of the Mini says, "Cool! Hey, you got a
fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back
seat of my Mini!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes,
I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Mini says, "That's great, man! Hey,
you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in
the back seat of my Mini!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by
now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-
Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Mini says, "Very cool car! Hey, you
got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of
my Mini!"
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the
Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer,
where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in
the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of
the Rolls picked up the car. The bed looked superb,
complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was
clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the
Mini, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night,
he finds the Mini parked, with all the windows
fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls
got out and knocked on the Mini. When there wasn't
any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually
the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,"
the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Mini looked at him and said, "You
got me out of the shower for THAT?!"
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