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Rate my first attempt at writing something

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  • Rate my first attempt at writing something

    Alright, i was in a really depressed mood and i wrote this. It's my first piece ever, and I just let it all flow out, nothing was planned so its str8 from my mind. just tell me what you think, or suggestions or whatever.

    *The Empty Air*

    Why does this happen to me?
    Why must I put up with this hell.
    Why can't I cry the pain away?
    After my tears are gone, what do I do?
    Where is my relief?
    What do you do when you can't cry?
    When you feel dry to the your bones;
    And so alone --

    That you want to die.
    Crawl into a dark hole and rot away.
    Hide from this world, and in the darkness;
    Hide from myself.
    Push these feelings out of my head;
    And into the consuming nothingness that surrounds me.
    Let it eat my thoughts;
    Then my body;
    And after all that was bad is gone-
    The only thing left is
    The empty air

  • #2
    First let me congratulate you on making the healthiest choice
    of venting your emotions: Poetry. You've just met your best friend in your endeavor to map out the psychological stigmata and mystery of Who you are. Throughout life as you find yourself being
    compressed by anger, turmoil and will find
    it's far more productive to work your emotions out on paper than
    through court trials resulting from physical violence toward others.

    And don't place any creedance in what others think of your writtings, they are written for your benefit and not theirs. You will learn to better control your feeling by the release you find in
    composing youself on paper. Keeping a journal of your daily high and lows is a great way to track your personal growth. And going back and reading old entries is always worth a quick grin, which
    is sometimes all you need to deal with the moment at hand.

    I've gotten so i write out my anger no matter how many pages, and then finish off with a humorous twist. Which allows me to just walk away with a quick grin instead of letting others push my buttons.

    So, i rate your effort an A+, but the content is yours alone to judge.
    Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.


    • #3
      Originally posted by flamingbanana
      just tell me what you think, or suggestions or whatever.
      Sounds like someone is having one of my normal days.
      I can relate to it!


      • #4
        I bet that Slamo's Sister would love it. ;)


        • #5
          Wow, thanks alot for the feedback. That's a great idea about the journal, my girlfriend does that and everyonce in a while makes up some guitar to go with it and it turns into a pretty good song.

          I've always had alot of emotion inside and never any way to get it out, so it builds up and doesn't result in anything good. I'm 14, and I know this is pretty uncommon of someone my age; or at least it seems that way judging by the way 99% of the people at my school act. That's why I've been with my girlfriend for over 5 months, she writes, sings, plays guitar, and shes different. I could go on and on about her but that's kinda off topic.

          But the people at school and my parents have both noticed a major behavior change. My parents had to go to an IEP at my school with a couple of my techers to evaluate me, since im labled as "gifted". I read the comments and the good were alogn the lines of "excellent with computers, great help to me" and the concerns went something like "Sudden change in behavior, very depressed and withdrawn." My parents are makign the connection with my girlfriend as being my problems and she did make me like this, but I can't imagine life without her, and I know this isn't some stupid fake "I love you" relationship that is typical of people my age, I know this is different. I just don't know what to to for relief.

          Anyone have any advice or want to share any of their own experiences? This may be hard to relate to, but its always nice to talk to someone about it, because my choices are pretty limited here.

          Thanks alot for the input again,


          • #6
            Greetings again Lawton;

            Yeah the trouble with being a "brainiac" is the fact that there's a very thin line between insanity and genius. Just be thankfull you're a Virgo and not an Aquarius like me. The problem with being "Gifted" (I hate euphemisms) is you're not given that tag untill generaly well into grade/middle school and perceived as a "Problem Child". If you're not "Tagged" till pre-puberty it becomes a psychically/emotionally ugly period just trying to deal
            with the alien world of hormonal demands, physical changes; not to mention peer pressure and Girls with breast

            MY folks were hauling my ass to shrinks at the age of 4. So,
            yes i definitely can relate to being treated like a red headed step child and having your world pulled out from under you by "Athouratie" figures who just can't understand why you
            don't seem to fit in like the rest of the "children". "After all if you
            WERE normal you would clone/conform to status quo. And not cause us any problems"

            Though this is your thread, allowing you consent to off-topic; plus this being in the Beer Garden............where there is seldom rhyme, reason or topic :rofl:

            IMHO, if you find any comfort at all in our communication here;
            we should move future in depth coversations to Email. As extended and prolonged PM's can stress TT's server speed.
            So, feel free to shoot me an email Anytime the need/urge commands ya. I'll even share some of the poetry i been writting since kindergarten.........if ya like.........or not. & read my sig:D

            Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you recall.