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  • Another great joke. What's your source?

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    • There were once three guys and there was something that each of them did SOOO much. They did these things so much that they died from it. They all went to heaven though and were granted one wish each.

      The first guy like to eat alot of food. He got so incredibly large and that's why he died. So he wished for TONS AND TONS AND TONS OF FOOD. BAM all of a sudden he was in this huge room with rows and rows and rwos of tables. Each table was full of all this food. He was then locked in the room.

      THe second guy liked to have lots and lots of sex. He ended up dieing from this though. So he wished for hoes and lots hoes. Black ones white ones spanish ones. Every kind of ho that you can think of. BAM he got it. He was in a giant room full of ho's. He was then locked up in the room.

      The third one liked to smoke alot of weed. He usually got stoned every single day and ended up dieing from this. So he wished for lots of weed. Every single type you can think of. and....... BAM he was in a giant room looking at piles and piles of weed. He was also locked in his room.

      ****

      500 years later

      ****

      There servent walked up to the first room and opened up the door and BOOM the door slammed wide open. All you saw was this giant gut sticking out. So the servant tried with all his might to try and get the door shut. He ended up using his weight and pushed his brains out to get the door shut. But couldn't seem to get it done because the gut was there. Finally he got the door closed.

      He walked up to the second door and opened it and you saw this guy just laying there yelling "HELP ME GET ME OUT OF HERE!!" and you saw all these women with pregnant stomachs and little children walking around. So he closed the door.

      He walked up to the third door and opened it and you saw this guy sitting in the corner of the room leaning his feet on the floor and resting his head on his arms which were on his knees. He was rocking back and forth like he was panicking. The servant said what's wrong. The guy piped up..."You forgot to give me a lighter you basterd!"

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      • A Blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road.
        The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.
        The Blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away. The supervisor, checking up at the end of the day, found that the Blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average!
        "Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."
        The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the Blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well, she's still at the average, and I don't want to discourage her. I'll just keep quiet."
        On the third day, the Blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the new employee in and said, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury? Equipment failure? What's keeping you from
        meeting the 2-mile minimum?"
        The Blonde replied, "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the bucket."
        The reason a diamond shines so brightly is because it has many facets which reflect light.

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        • :laugh: an oldie and a classic :thumb:

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          • While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slippd and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the ball with on onion.
            Several weeks later the patient returned for a checkup.

            "How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.

            "Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects though."

            "Whats that?" the doctor asks anxiously

            "Well, everytime I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn, and everytime I pass a hamburger stand I get a hard-on!"

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            • What is Black and White and crawls around the floor
              A drunk nun :D

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              • Sperm Counting

                There was this guy that went to the doctor to get is sperm counted.The lady behind the desk handed him a jar and said, "Bring it back tomorrow, full." He says, "Okay, I'll be back tomorrow then."
                Well he goes home and comes back the next day, and he hands the woman the jar. She says, "Nothing's in it." The man responds, "Well, I went home and I tried with my right hand and I tried with my left hand and nothing happend. I called my wife into the room, and she tried with her right hand and she tried with her left hand. Nothing still happend. Well, we called our neighbor and she came over, and she tried with her right hand ans she tried with her left hand, and still nothing happened.

                And the woman behind the counter looked srtunned and asked, "You asked your neighbor over to help you!?" And he says, "Yeah, we couldn't get the jar open."

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                • Good one. Heres another:

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                  • And another:

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                    • Yet another:

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                      • Next to last one:

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                        • Last one:

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                          • Come on guys and gals - No new jokes in 3 days - What's happening? - Did you get a life?

                            Found in Fortune Cookie: Man who go through turnstile backwards most likely going to Bangkok

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                            • Virginity is like a bubble, one prick and it's all gone.

                              Man with hand in pocket feel ****y all day.

                              Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails.

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                              • A man walk up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.

                                The woman imediately goes to her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and proceeds to explain why.

                                The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker complimenting on how your hair smells?"

                                The woman replies."He's a midget"

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