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  • Signs Your Co-Worker Is a Hacker


    1. Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.

    2. Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.

    3.When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.

    4.Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

    5.Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.

    6.Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."

    7.Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.

    8.Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
    9.Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President."

    10.You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science

    Comment


    • A well-known cardiologist died, and an elaborate funeral was planned. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

      Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

      At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.

      When confronted, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral...I'm a gynecologist."

      Comment


      • This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks.
        One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on
        the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.

        The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people
        about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't
        mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the
        guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left
        on the bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an
        awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some
        conversation. "What's your name?" He says to the first duck:

        "Huey" said the first duck.

        "How's your day been, Huey?"

        "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day".

        "Oh. That's nice.", says the Bartender.

        Then he says to the second duck "Hi, and what's your name?".

        "Dewey" came the answer.

        "So how's your day been, Dewey?".

        "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all
        day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again".

        So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says "So, you
        must be Louie".

        "No", growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't
        ask about my &¤&%&! day!"

        Comment


        • Life's Reflections

          1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
          2. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

          3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

          4. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

          5. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

          6. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

          7. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

          8. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

          Comment


          • Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
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            Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
            p-two.net

            Comment


            • Gee Bern, It's good to see you outside the "Other OS" Forum:thumb:
              The reason a diamond shines so brightly is because it has many facets which reflect light.

              Comment


              • I drop in every now and then :D
                p-two.net

                Comment


                • Make it a bit more often Bern.........and don't forget more photos.................back view preferably :lips:

                  Comment


                  • <center>Austin Power's Pickup Lines</center>

                    1) I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

                    2) (Lick finger and wipe on her blouse) Let's get you out of those wet clothes.

                    3) Nice legs... What time do they open?

                    4) Do you work for the post office? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

                    5) You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

                    6) Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

                    7) I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

                    8) I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

                    9) I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

                    10) Wanna play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.

                    11) I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

                    12) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

                    13) You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

                    14) I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

                    15) If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

                    16) (Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going to suck itself.

                    17) You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

                    18) You, Me, Whipped cream and Handcuffs. Any questions?

                    19) Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

                    20) My name is Austin...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

                    21) Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

                    22) Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

                    23) I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

                    24) Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

                    25) Do you wash your pants in Mr Sheen because I can see myself in them.
                    <center>:cheers:</center>

                    Comment


                    • "That ******* husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord
                      because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told
                      a neighbour.
                      "You didn't do it, did you?" the neighbour asked.
                      "I have to admit I did though with certain misgivings, I might
                      add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is
                      paid up for six months!"

                      Comment


                      • One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above
                        a river,his axe fell into the river. When he began crying, God
                        appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
                        The woodcutter told Him that his axe has fallen into water.
                        God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
                        " Is this your axe?", God asked.
                        The woodcutter said "No".
                        God again went down and came up with a silver axe."
                        "Is this your axe?", God asked.
                        The wood cutter said "No".
                        God went down again and came up with an iron axe.
                        "Is this your axe?" God asked.
                        The wood cutter said "Yes".
                        God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him
                        all the three axes. The woodcutter went home happily.

                        One day while he was walking with his wife along the
                        river, his wife fell into the river.
                        When he began crying, God appeared and asked him,
                        "Why are you crying?"
                        "My wife has fallen into water."
                        God went down into the water and came up with Jennifer
                        Lopez. "Is this your wife?", God asked.
                        "Yes", he said.
                        God was furious. "You cheat! I will curse you......", God scolded.
                        He quickly said, "Forgive me My Lord. It is an misunderstanding.
                        If I say "No" to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine
                        Zeta Jones. If I also say "No" to her, you will finally come up
                        with my wife and I will say "Yes". Then you will give all the
                        three to me. I am a poor man. I will not be able to look after
                        all the three. So that's why I've to say "Yes".

                        Comment


                        • 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband
                          states she was very hot in bed last night.
                          2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
                          over a year.
                          3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third
                          day it disappeared.
                          4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
                          appears to be depressed.
                          5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me
                          in 1993.
                          6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
                          7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally
                          alert but forgetful.
                          8. The patient refused autopsy.
                          9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
                          10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
                          11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably
                          insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the
                          past three days.
                          12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
                          13. She is numb from her toes down.
                          14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
                          15. The skin was moist and dry.
                          16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
                          17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
                          18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
                          19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her
                          life until she got a divorce.
                          20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for
                          physical therapy.
                          21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and
                          accommodation.
                          22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
                          23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
                          24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he
                          took a job as a stock broker instead.
                          25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
                          26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
                          27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt
                          we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
                          28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
                          29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other
                          abnormalities.

                          Comment


                          • Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the
                            woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

                            The frog said to her,
                            "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
                            The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
                            failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that
                            whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

                            The woman said, "That would be okay." For her first wish, she wanted to
                            be the most beautiful woman in the world.

                            The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
                            husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will
                            flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the
                            most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, *POOF*,
                            she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
                            For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

                            The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
                            world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said,
                            "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine.
                            "So, *POOF*, she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then
                            inquired about her third wish and she answered,
                            "I'd like a mild heart attack."

                            Comment


                            • :cool: Does anyone have access to the article on the 100 reasons why a cucumber is better than a man?

                              Comment


                              • Please give us the link Drpeterbright :devil win

                                Comment

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